Dear A. Vanilla,
I’m a single male in the dating scene. I’m trying to improve my technique when it comes picking up women. A friend recommended that I try the “Mystery Method”. Apparently Mystery has a big following when it comes to teaching men how to seduce women. Have you ever used the Mystery Method for picking up girls? Does it work?
Sincerely,
Dear Picker-Upper,
Here’s a photo of me on my way to Skybar on a typical date night.
As a bachelor myself, I once had the Mystery Method recommended to me by my friend, Fabien, while he was visiting me from Quebec. Unfortunately, Fabien speaks with a rather heavy French-Canadian accent and I mistakenly thought he said the Mystère Method. Naturally, I assumed that he was referring to the popular Cirque du Soleil show: Mystère which was playing at the Treasure Island Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.
So I spent the next six months practicing such skills as arial puppetry, ladder juggling, and unicycle contortion in the hopes of impressing the ladies. I was so committed to the Mystère Method that I even replaced my entire wardrobe with spandex, which I wore to all of the hippest singles bars in town.
I definitely got a lot of attention from women… But I began to suspect something was awry, when I realized that the only propositions I was getting were to come and perform at their child’s birthday party.
So, I’m afraid I’ve never actually had any experience with the actual teachings of the famous pick up artist known as Mystery. However, my friend Fabian uses the Mystery Method all the time… Did I mention that Fabian is a total douchebag?
Sincerely Yours,
Humble Genius
Arthur Vanilla was born and raised in New Haven, Connecticut. His uptight parents went to great lengths to avoid ever explaining the birds and the bees to him. Arthur fainted the first time he saw a naked woman... in a magazine... he was eighteen. Arthur majored in philosophy at an Ivy League University, where he somehow managed to lose his virginity while simultaneously crying and drifting in and out of consciousness. While he has since learned to remain mostly conscious during sex, he always keeps the lights off just to be safe. |
