Dear Kasidie,
My husband and I are trying to get into the swinger community. There is a slight problem though. We want to find people without paying the membership fees that come with all the sights. What should we do?
Sincerely,
Dear Thrifty Kinksters,
First of all, let us make a clear distinction between “the real world swinger community” and “the online swinger community.” While there is definitely a HUGE amount of overlap, they are not the same things. I know plenty of swinging couples who are always at events and parties, have tons of friends, yet aren’t members of any swinger websites. Some just don’t care to do the online thing for whatever reason. These successful ‘offline swingers’ are a rare breed, and they tend to spend a lot of time answering the question “Why don’t you join _________.com already?” from their friends. At the same time, I know a lot of people who are very active online, but never seem to make the leap to meeting people in the real world.
So, if you want to meet people, but avoid joining a swinger site, you can always find where the parties and clubs in your area are (just look in our club and party listings), and go check them out… That’s how swingers used to meet before Al Gore invented the internet.
However, now that we do have the capability to meet other swingers on the internet, it’s my firm belief that not using the web to your full advantage is like cutting your grass with a pair of scissors when you have a perfectly good John Deer riding lawnmower in your garage. There’s a good reason why the swinger population, number of swinger clubs and number of swinger events has exploded in the past ten years… The Internet!!!
Are there free places to meet other swingers online?… Sure, plenty. There are tons of free groups and message boards all over the internet for swingers. Even MySpace has a lot of swinger groups… Just Google “swinger groups” and you’ll have weeks worth of pages to search through.
But… and this is a BIG BUT…
There is truth to the old adage: You get what you pay for. There are good reasons for joining a reputable paid membership site. These sites usually offer you a higher lever of privacy and security than a free site does. Members feel more comfortable posting photos of themselves if they know that not just anyone can wander in and see them. Many paid membership sites now also have some sort of member verification system, where they certify that they people in the photo are actually the owners of the profile. Free sites tend to be overrun by fakes, lookie-loos and creepy singles posing as couples. You might be saving yourself a few dollars a month, but you’ll find that you’re wasting a LOT of your time sorting through all the bullshit. That’s just not worth it in my opinion.
Join a good, reputable online swinger site. It’s worth it! I can’t really tell you which one is best for you, because depending on where you live, some sites have more of an influence than others. The best thing to do is call up a few of the swinger clubs and parties in your area and ask them which websites tend to be the most popular among their guests. Get several different opinions. This should give you a good idea of which sites to try. Most people try one or two sites before they discover the one that is right for them. You can afford it! Most sites cost anywhere from $20-$30 for a one month membership. All you really need to do is spend $1 less per day than you usually do. Can’t you fit that into your budget? The quality of the people you meet from a good website will be well worth it.
UPDATE: I’d like to point out that Kasidie.com has now launched a state-of-the-art new online community and is offering $99 Lifetime Memberships for a limited time! This is a great way to save money in the long-term, as a lifetime membership will pay for itself in about 3.5 months.
If you still can’t afford that, our Editor has several ways you can earn free 1-year or lifetime memberships. Click here to find out how!
Dear Kasidie,
Hi Kasidie, Hope you can shed some light into my situation. A Girlfriend that I’ve come to known through work has recently suggested that I join a private swinging event organized at her house. I have never been to a such an event before and although I was surprised at first about the way she brought it up, I am thinking of going and checking it out. I am not sure whether I want to tell my husband about this right now because I don’t know how he would react.
Do you think it’s a good idea to go alone or should I talk my husband into it first? According to my friend, it’s a small event with three couples and two or three other singles. Could you please respond to me privately at _______@_______.com. Please do not post my question in your column.
Dear __________ ,
Ok, before I answer your question, I think I need to explain to you how a magazine advice columnworks. If you write a question to a magazine’s advice columnist, you should not be surprised to see your question and answer published in her magazine’s advice column. If you are really seeking private advice about your life, then those people are called therapists… and they’ll charge you $180 an hour. Asking me for advice is totally free… but in exchange, I get to mock you publicly in my column if I see fit. That’s the deal.
Should you go to this party without telling your husband? That depends if you have any respect for your husband. If you have NO respect for your husband… then you should absolutely go to a swinger party without telling him. It will probably even have the added bonus of ruining your marriage when he finds out. But seeing as how you don’t really seem to care much for your relationship anyway, that should be fine with you… See, I told you I was going to mock you.
Would you be happy to find out that your husband had been going alone to sex parties without telling you? Most people would answer that with a no.
So should you talk him into it first?… No. You shouldn’t talk him into it. But you should talk to himabout it. You’re obviously concerned about how he’s going to react. Don’t try to talk him into it. If he feels like you’re pressuring him he’s more likely to get upset at the idea, or even worse, he might agree to something that he’s really not ok with at all, just to make you happy. That’s a perfect recipe for a bad situation. Tell him about the party. Tell him that you’re curious and excited about the idea of checking it out with him. Ask him how he feels about the idea. More importantly, listen to his feelings and address them properly and with great importance… and most importantly, don’t ever mention to him that you ever thought about going to a swinger party alone, behind his back… and even more most importantly, don’t ever think about going to a swinger party alone, behind his back again!… and even morest mostest importantest, don’t ever EVER write me expecting I’ll give you advice privately!
Hopefully I’ve taught you at least one of the above lessons.
