Dear Kasidie,

I work in insurance and my agent is hot but married. The other day he wanted to see my breasts so I showed him briefly but now he is acting weird, I would like to pursue just don’t know if i should? Help!

Sincerely,
Luscious Liability 

Dear Luscious Liability,

He asked you to show him your breasts… and now he’s acting weird? So let me get this straight… Your coworker asking to see your tits at work is considered normal behavior?

If this were a normal advice column, written for and by vanillas, I would probably give you the following advice: Flirting with and getting sexually involved with married coworkers is a very bad idea.

However, as a swinger advice column, written for and by swingers, I’m going to give you following advice: Flirting with and getting sexually involved with married coworkers is a very bad idea.

Some things are universally true, no matter what your lifestyle is. He’s probably acting weird now because upon seeing your bare breasts he realized that something which began as innocent verbal flirting, had suddenly escalated from fantasy into something very real… Something that he may findreally tempting, but could also really threaten his relationship with his wife.

Should you pursue it? No! No-No-No! I think you laid your cards on the table already when you showed him your chesticles. He knows where you stand. If he and his wife have an open relationship, he would have gone immediately home and said, “Honey, the hottie I’ve been flirting with with at work showed me her tits today! Should I bring her home?” At which point he (or his wife) would approach you about taking things further. But it sounds to me like he probably didn’t tell his wife about it, because he probably doesn’t have that kind of openness with her. This means that if she ever did find out about you flashing her husband, there is a pretty good chance that she would want to come into the office and kick your ass.

So concerning the “weirdness”, you may just have to live with it. If you keep things professional and friendly, and avoid flirting or doing anything else inappropriate, things will eventually return to normal. However, if he does approach you wanting to take things to the next level, here is EXACTLY what you say: “Only if your wife tells me it’s ok.”

Dear Kasidie,

I’m what you call a Vanilla. My wife used to be a swinger. She did it back when she was with her ex-husband of 14 years. I often wonder if she misses swinging or if she wishes she was still doing it. How do I overcome my wife’s ex-life with her ex-husband?

Sincerely,
Vexed Vanilla

Dear Vexed Vanilla,

First of all, let me applaud you for something. As the vanilla husband of a former swinger, it shows great integrity that you would take the time to even read a publication like ours. At the mention of past swinging experiences, many vanilla spouses, would probably rather repress the thoughts and feelings that resulted because they were foreign and upsetting. But repression only causes difficult thoughts and emotions to fester and grow out of control. You’ve chosen to research your wife’s former lifestyle, rather than jumping to silly conclusions. That shows great caring on your part. Hopefully our magazine has taught you a thing or two about the swinging lifestyle and the people in it. I can only hope that in itself helps a little bit.

You wonder if your wife misses swinging? Well, only she could tell you that. But try looking at it this way… I have some very good friends who lived for many years in Los Angeles. A couple years ago they decided to move to Denver. I recently asked them if they missed Los Angeles. Their response was, “A little bit. We have many fond memories of it.” Then I asked if they wished they still lived there. They responded, “We LOVE Denver. That’s why we moved here. If we didn’t love it, we would have just stayed in LA.”

Think of your wife in the same way. She probably has some fond memories of her swinging days and probably even misses it a little bit from time to time… But swinging obviously wasn’t as important to her as being with you. If swinging really meant that much to her, she would never have married someone who wasn’t into it. Your wife is not the first person I’ve known to give up swinging for loving monogamy. People do it all the time. So rather than worrying about whether or not your wife sometimes feels nostalgic for her former lifestyle, you should relish in the fact that she obviously loves you so much, that she was willing to give up her former lifestyle for you.

If she ever does want to do it again, she’ll mention it to you. But that day may very well never come, so in the meantime it’s pointless to worry about it and drive yourself crazy.