One of the most attractive women I know, Nina Hartley, was the subject of an article titled ‘The Smartest Woman in Porn,” which was featured in a leading men’s magazine. When asked: “Have you ever blown someone you didn’t want to?” her answer was perfectly clear and to the point. “Sure, but it’s only a blow-job.” I think the country would be a lot better off if politicians were as concise and forthright.

Of course, politicians can in no way be as concise and forthright as Ms. Hartley and still expect to be elected. In fact, in a bumper sticker sound bite age with more than 50 percent of the population defined as functionally illiterate, political leaders have become little more than followers of public opinion. All one need do to head the nation is repeat the prevailing platitudes while being careful not to crack a smile. Obfuscate whilst ye fornicate and it does indeed become possible to placate most of the people most of the time. Voters couldn’t care less about the truth. What they really want is someone who perpetuates sexual myths in a believable fashion. The great betrayal lies, as former President Clinton learned, in losing that believability and thereby making clear that a myth is, after all, just a myth. The repeated revelations exposing John F. Kennedy as a philanderer seem not to have completely tarnished his image. People still visit his grave and still weep for his passing. During his life, he managed to perpetuate sexual myths in a believable fashion … he never got caught… and many people still yearn for a return to Camelot.

Now, what is it about philandering that makes so many 21st century Americans go crazy? Well, it seems that humans are motivated by two very strong though seemingly contradictory biological urges. There is the very powerful drive to seek long-term partners, and then there is the equally powerful drive to seek sexual diversity. Think, for a moment, of all the physical pain and mental anguish Mother Nature laid on mere mortals with those two conflicting desires. How could she have possible gone so very, very wrong? Of course, Mother Nature did not go wrong. How could she have known that those mere mortals would get it in their silly little heads that the desire for long-term partners and the desire for sexual diversity should be seen as somehow mutually exclusive, opposite and conflicting?

Telling a spouse, “thou shalt not,” is probably the best way to idealize their unfulfilled desire and, if they have even a modicum of spunk, eventually lose them.

This myth wasn’t created until a few wise guys looking to gain power saw it as an outstanding opportunity to make all their less wise fellows feel guilty and, as a result, that much easier to lead round. It was necessary only to interpret the facts of life in such a way as to make it impossible for any normal, healthy individual not to get caught in a kind of moral Catch 22 … simply behave as Mother Nature intended and — ZAP — you’re a sinner! Do I enjoy my wife’s cooking? Absolutely. Do I occasionally like a dinner out? Of course. And how about my wife sexually? I think she’s the greatest… but would I occasionally like to boff the lady next door? You bet! Saying as much on any of those afternoon TV shows, the ones designed to titillate their sexually repressed audiences while at the same time encouraging them to feel superior to the “deviates” on stage, always elicits a similar response. Someone will ask how I would feel if my wife wanted to boff the guy next door. Is it really so hard to understand that I truly love my wife and that I can in no way see how her fulfillment could possibly be a threat to my well-being? In fact, quite the opposite is true. Telling a spouse, “thou shalt not,” is probably the best way to idealize their unfulfilled desire and, if they have even a modicum of spunk, eventually lose them. Why, after all, would someone want to stay paired with a mate who put their fears above their significant other’s satisfaction? Paraphrasing Ms. Hartley: It’s only a boff, after all.

But because the masses have been Dr. Laura-ized and Dr. Phil-ized into believing that sex must always equal love, someone will then ask: And what if my wife decides to move out after her roll in the hay? Since I’m not totally without a sense of self-worth, I doubt that would happen, but what if? Well, I would certainly hate to lose my Honey, but how could I not support her decision if she honestly felt that she would be happier with someone else? Frankly, I think people who try to turn normal desires for love and sex into some sort of life sentence have a screw loose. One-penis-with-one-vagina-for-50-years is not the ideal; I would consider it a perversion. My ideal would be a long-term relationship with a loving partner and some satisfying, guilt free sexual diversity too.

The bottom line here, the reason that the one-penis-with-one-vagina-for-50-years myth persists is because pleasure is something that has come to be feared…and what provides more bang for the buck pleasure-wise than sex? I can imagine no better way of producing frustrated, fixated adults who go crazy at the mere thought of somebody else having fun…the mere thought of somebody else philandering.