As the banks continue to claim they are floundering, the unemployment rate continues to rise and the market wanes, we all are feeling the strain on our lifestyle entertainment budget.  After reading the excellent article “The Sexonomic Crisis” by Derek H. Largo of LUCKECOUPLE, I was prompted to discuss something that we have found to be not only fun, but very economical in these very trying times.  My wife and I were introduced to our first house party June 2008 and since then it has become a mainstay in or play toy box.

Admittedly, the vision of Swingtown’s Tom and Trina’s wild parties that inevitably lead to the infamous basement come to mind went you think of house parties, but there are some unique advantages to hosting house parties over going to an on-premise club.

In the early days of swinging, the only option to get together was the house party, or meet in the barn or the woods (bugs and thorns, yuk).  These regular social meetings became common place amongst the very subculture that was born out of it.  Word-of-mouth house parties became the norm until the invention of the internet.  During its evolution, widespread communication has created an explosion that is the swinging community we know today. Because of the added business, both the clubbing generation and a few lifestyle entrepreneurs birthed the on-premise club.

Over the last decade, on-premise clubs have gained significant popularity within the lifestyle crowd.  As the average age of the lifestyle community continues to get younger, on-premise clubs solve the biggest problem of getting out of the house for awhile so that the adults can go play away from their kids.  However that benefit comes with a significant price tag.  Going to an on premise club can run anywhere from $50 to $200+ per couple for the night plus the baby sitter, dinner and drinks.  There is a far more unique and substantially less expensive alternative.

Due to the current state of the lifestyle economy, tried-and-true house parties are making a comeback, because they are easy to pull off with a minimum of effort.  If you know in advance the caveats to avoid, hosting a house party is a breeze. We love to host parties at our house.  It is convenient for our friends with kids, and we have plenty of sleep-over space and good common areas.

As the host you can decide how simple or extravagant the party can be. You get to decide how big or how quaint.  You get to decide who comes and who does not.  There is some prep work required on your part, but with a good check list (more on this later) your first house party will come off as a raving success.

Granted all these decisions are not as big of a no-brainer as showing up at the club door, whipping out your Visa and having fun.  However the benefit of being in an environment in which you are completely relaxed has a distinct advantage.

So let’s talk about the decisions you need to make in the planning stages.  Then we will discuss the steps for setting up and executing the perfect house party.

Step #1: Initial Questions and planning

How big a house party do you want to throw?
This initial decision will be based on the answers to the following questions. How many people do you want to have at your house? How many people can you comfortably handle in your house?

You want to plan the party to have both common and play areas.  Typically, play areas are available bedrooms, but may extend to other areas depending on your layout.  If you have a hot tub, this will be an ice breaker play area, but will usually only get the action going.  Hot tub players will end up in the bedroom sooner or later.

What kind of party do you want to throw? The options here are vast and are what determine the end expense and effort that you are required to put into the party.  If you decide to make it a theme party, be sure to communicate that in your invitees. Theme parties can be outrageously fun and can really get the groups energy flowing.  Be prepared to dress the part as party hosts, thus adding to the final cost.  Lately, we have found ‘Wii parties’ have been an enormous source of fun and entertainment to get people engaged with each other. The lingerie party, poker and The Rocky Horror Picture Show are other excellent, tried-and-true themes.

How much do you want to spend? This is probably the hardest decision you will have to make.  This decision will be what determines the rest of your planning and execution. We have done a wide range of parties from very expensive to dirt cheap. Just recently we attended a BYOE (Bring Your Own Everything) party. The sponsor provided the house, the hot tub and beds to play on, that was it. This was about as economical a house party as you can do.  Turned out it was hugely attended and everyone was more than happy to help out with snacks and beverages.

What food do you want to provide?  As a consummate host, it is always advisable to provide some munchies and some form of drinks for your guests. We have done everything from full fledged dinner parties, where we provide the food and the drinks (expensive) to our favorite the BYOB and a friend party (inexpensive and easy).  The cost for you can range from next to nothing to hundreds per guest.  The best part is you get to decide what you want and your friends will love it no matter what.

For most non themed parties we spend less than $50 on munchies, mixers and party favors (mostly condoms and lube ;-)).  If we throw a themed party the cost will increase, but our friends always want to share in the cost and prep.  Don’t feel like you have to do everything.  Getting help from your close friends engages them in party from the get-go and really builds anticipation.

Step #2: Inviting people

The right mix and energy is critical to having a house party that is fun and drama free.  This can be a challenge, however it is not as difficult as it may first seem.

The one rule to house party invite lists we have found to be pretty accurate , only 50% of the people that tell you they are coming will actually show up and that will be 20-30% of the people you invite so be sure to invite enough people to ensure you have your target number of couples.  Important points about your invitee include list:

The key is to trust your instincts and have people that you enjoy or are attracted to.
Like energies attract, therefore, if you are attracted to someone, the likelihood is your other friends will like them too.
Make sure you have had contact with everyone that is invited.  This gives you the chance to introduce yourselves as the host and get a feel for who is coming and any drama potential.
Don’t hesitate to turn away anyone that you are not comfortable with.  This will be your number one defense against unwanted participant drama.

The singles decision…

You will need to decide if you want to allow singles to your party.  This generally is not an issue in the case of single females.  In fact they are generally encouraged to attend.  The bigger question is if you are to have single males there.  This is a personal decision and needs to be determined based on the planned mix of the couples attending.  At our parties, we only have couples and the occasional single female.  This guideline was established by our regular play group from its beginning based on an open group discussion.

If you decide to have single males, keep the ratio of males to couples to a minimum.  There is a general guideline floating about the lifestyle that single males should not exceed the number of single females.

Feel free to ask the couples you have invited if they would like to have any singles there.  Let the feedback you get help guide you.

Who are we going to get to come?…

Clearly, there are numerous ways to invite people to your party, including some you may not have considered. Use your circle of friends as place to start.  We have established a small group of friends that are all very comfortable with each other and we trust.   We asked each member of our group to bring one or two outside couples that they have played with or like.  Our experience thus far has been that we usually like our friends’ friends. The dynamics of a new couple joining the group if they are already attracted to your friends is a pretty good bet.  Most of these couples fit comfortably in at your party, generating enticing energy and minimizing drama.

The most obvious solution is to use a dependable online site, like Kasidie, and invite people you have met there.  You can also invite those that you are just attracted to. However, do pre-screen them as you would any couple prior to a meet up and be sure to preface the house party as a meet and greet. This helps alleviates pressure to play on everyone.  Kasidie.com has an excellent and fully customizable tool to send out electronic invitations and help manage the party details.

A more obscure option to use is Craig’s List.  This may sound a bit odd, but Craig’s List has become one of the biggest hookup tools in America today.  You can post an ad in the personals section and have all replies sent via email set through their system to protect your anonymity. Do not post an address or a phone number in your ad.  Keep the initial contacts via email at first.  This will save you a ton of brain damage.  Craig’s List can be a great way to meet new couples, especially those new to the lifestyle.  Be sure to communicate with those that respond to you.  Always request pictures and interview them as you would any couple that you want to meet.  But be forewarned: You will get a ton of emails from single guys wanting to come.  Be clear in your ad as to your rules about singles to help minimize the back and forth chatter.

Keep up with the emails from your guests and keep of list of who you are expecting. This is page one of the checklist.  Send out the address and contact information to the finalized list of people the week before the party. Be clear in your email if it is OK for your invitees to bring guests or not. The bringing of additional friends from those that you don’t know can lead to a big surprise on your end when a lot of people show up and trash your house because they heard there was a cool party happening.

Step #3:  Setting up for the party

Approaching the party date….

Once you are within a week of the party, resend and email all of the confirmed guests, and be sure to include the house address and telephone contact information for you.  Remind your invitees about what to bring (BYOB, towels for the hot tube, toys, etc).

Be sure to remind your invitees to let you know if they can’t make it.  Also be sure to remind your invitees about your rules toward bringing guests.

This is when the checklist becomes your best friend.  Look it over and make any additions or changes to it that are pertinent to your party. Do your shopping for anything you need prior to party day.

We like to clean the house prior to the day of the party and just take care of last minute touch ups the day of the party.  This is probably the biggest effort you will have to do to host a party.  For us, regular house parties keep us on top of the day to day house chores and are excellent motivation to do boring house work.

Party Day

Follow your check list.  Prep your munchies and put up any theme decorations you have planned.  Be sure to check that you have a good supply of mixers on hand.  Also, always have a case of bottled water chilled and handy.  We have found that everyone consumes a considerable amount of water during and after play sessions.

We usually pull out the camping coolers and have them easily accessible for guests to store their beverages.  Be sure to get plenty of ice the day of the party. This trip to the store will also allow you to get anything you forgot.

Be sure to prep the play rooms with easily accessible condoms and lube.  Be sure to put trashcans with liners in every room.  This will help minimize the clean up and provide your guests with a much appreciated way to dispose of waste. We also put a stack of hand towels in every play area. It is a nice touch that guests use regularly.  We found 50 packs of really cheap white terry towels that are washable at Wal-Mart for $8.

Your guests will often take a shower after play. Prep your bathrooms with extra towels, body wash, hand soap and be sure you have plenty of bath tissue on hand and available.  We now have unscented baby wipes in every bathroom as well.

If you have a hot tub as part of the party, be sure to distribute towels out in the hot tube area if you did not tell people to bring their own.  Have a hamper available for your guest to dispose of used towels.

Once guest start to arrive…

When you guests arrive, welcome them and show them around the house if they have not been there before.  Introduce them to your other guests.  Show them where to change and put anything they have brought with them: coats, toy bag, and extra clothes.

We generally get the guests together in a common area before the party gets going and we go over the house rules again.  Be sure to thank everyone for coming. From that point on the party is yours to enjoy.  Jump in and have fun!

Your successful house party will ensure that you keep up your social standing, play with all your friends, make new ones, and it will even make you a hero for saving everyone’s financial futures.