Is a complete lifestyle takeover of a major cruise ship possible? We heard: “It’s been tried before,” “It’ll never happen,” “You will lose your money,” and “They won’t get enough people and you’ll be sharing the ship with vanillas.” We decided to give it a try anyway. It would be a blast if it really did sail! Carnival has hosted nudist cruises and gay/lesbian cruises, so why not a swingers cruise?
Two weeks before departure we still hadn’t received our travel documents or cabin assignment. The sponsoring travel agent YOLO (You Only Live Once) wasn’t returning calls or emails, so we were getting pretty nervous as our departure date neared. It turns out YOLO was significantly understaffed, but they managed to pull it off and it was a fantastic time!
Even though the ship departed Sunday afternoon, many couples (especially West coasters), flew in Saturday and stayed at local hotels. It’s just too risky to fly in the same day – if your flight is delayed and you miss the ship, you are screwed (and not in a good way). Several pre-parties were advertised: Nightmoves on-premises club, Caliente clothing-optional resort, and hotel meet-and-greets. We opted for the YOLO-sponsored meet-and-greet at the Sheraton. We connected with several couples and went out for a fun, casual, flirty dinner for ten on the patio of a local restaurant – a great way to start the week. Little did we know how much more fun we’d be having with that group all week!
Bon Voyage. Sunday arrived and the normally tedious process of embarkation loomed. I’ve been on six previous (family) cruises and knew the routine well. But this was way different: everyone was flirting, scoping, joking, gawking – you certainly looked at your co-passengers in a whole new way. A small throng gathered around the x-ray machines and cheered as each bag revealed its arsenal of battery operated toys. It was almost like a fireworks display with all the oohs and ahhs. As we entered the ship, YOLO handed out bags with condoms and various goodies.
The ship pushed away from the dock and meandered through Tampa Bay, passed under the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, and on to the Gulf of Mexico. It seemed like every patrol boat in the Tampa metro area was on the water monitoring our progress (Marine Patrol, Coast Guard, Tampa Police, and more). At first, we thought they were just making sure we stayed fully clothed while in the city limits. In fact, they were snapping as many pictures as they could while being flashed, mooned, and more from balconies throughout the ship. The patrol boats nearly collided at least twice while they were paying more attention to the sights than to each other.
When we reached the three mile international boundary, the captain announced that the pool was hereby clothing optional. Several hundred already naked bodies laughed. Another several hundred initially reluctant souls took the announcement as their cue to get with the program. The waiters and waitresses stared and smiled. With around 2,000 guests on board, there was quite a mix. Ages ranged from 25 to mid 70s, but most were late 30s to early 50s. There were all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities. There were handicapped swingers, blind swingers, shy newbies and polished veterans, exhibitionists, and voyeurs. There were no single males and very few single females.
Cruising. Specific rules of conduct had been established and published before the cruise: Full nudity was only allowed at the pools and in the playrooms. Play was allowed only in the playrooms and private cabins. The crew was not to fraternize with the guests. No nudity was allowed while in port. All these rules were fractured to some degree; obviously some guests didn’t get the memo. Some guests felt no need to cover up for the lunch buffet, and “Thar she blows!” was given a whole new meaning on the pool deck. YOLO resorted to posting warning signs around the pool deck (except when you have the words “NO SEX” embedded within a circle and a slash, isn’t that a double negative?).
If you’ve ever been on a cruise before, you would have found this cruise typical in many ways. The food was very good and plentiful with lots of variety and fresh seafood. The rooms were tiny but adequate with lots of storage space – most had balconies. The service was excellent. There was plenty to do on board even without counting all the special activities. The ship featured several pools and hot tubs, duty-free shopping, a casino, numerous nightclubs featuring a variety of music, a cabaret-style theatre with live entertainment, a water slide, a miniature golf course, a library with internet access, a spa, and a workout facility.
Of course, this cruise was way different in countless ways. YOLO created two playrooms, which were available in the afternoons and evenings. One was a converted aerobics studio with mirrors on all walls; the other, a theatre with mattresses on the stage and sheets covering all the sofa-style seating surrounding the stage. Balcony-suite-sex, either in the sunshine or even better, in the black of night with the waves and winds kicking up and the stars overhead was a favorite of many. While nudity was technically only allowed at the pool and playrooms, near nudity (tiny cover-ups, sheer dinner gowns, and naughty t-shirts) made for fabulous eye candy everywhere. Every degree of modesty was embraced. Even around the pool, only about half were fully nude. Clothing-optional meant clothing-optional and I didn’t witness any pressure for non-participants – it’s a lifestyle thing. For activities, YOLO imported the DJ from Hedonism. Poolside parties abounded every afternoon and late night with silly, fun, sexy contests and pole dancing. The pool deck offered body painters, body casters, tarot card readers, masseuses, naughty caricatures, numerology, and belly dance instruction throughout the week.
Carnival also presented a few of their normal vanilla cabaret style shows. The comedian had us roaring – his show changed drastically after a few days of experiencing the cruise with us “freaky people.” He created lots of new material that he can never use again with other audiences – and said he would be back next year (with his wife this time). A hypnotist took advantage of his subjects’ willingness to get naked, but it was much tamer than it could have been. Every night YOLO sponsored a different theme party: lingerie, robes or less, leather and lace, hanky-panky need a spanky, pink and black, and elegant. Swinger education seminars were available daily – topics such as Swinging 101, erotic couples massage, and squirting techniques (with live demos from random members of the audience – bring your Gallagher poncho).
On most cruises, the cabin stewards add some personal touches. In addition to the nightly turn down service with chocolate, they create some sort of fun towel sculpture – like a turtle, an elephant, or a monkey to leave on the bed. This time, cruisers found orgies of towel animals in various kinky positions, or in one case, we found a towel that looked like female genit… um, I mean it resembled… ok, it was a perfect pussy, complete with sunglasses.
Although Carnival provided sit-down service in the main dining room for all three meals, we opted for the bountiful buffets on the pool deck for breakfast and lunch. There was plenty there to keep us happy. For dinner in the main dining room, we dressed in the sheerest, tiniest outfits we could never get away with at home (ok, SHE did) and unless we already had a dinner date, we requested group seating. We always found the conversations fun and the company “oh so sexy!”
Carnival didn’t bother with many of their normal cruise activities. Gone were the midnight chocolate buffet and ice sculptures, bingo sessions, trivia contests, ping-pong tournaments, origami lessons, and napkin folding demonstrations. I didn’t hear any complaints – although a naked mini-golf tournament was a glaring omission.
Ports of Call. Our ship sailed the Western Caribbean with planned stops at Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Belize, and Roatan. Each of the stops had a variety of shore excursions available including scuba diving, snorkeling, zip lining, jungle hikes, sailing, beach breaks, and more. You always had the option of going ashore and doing your own thing or staying on the ship.
In Grand Cayman, several of us walked around Georgetown then took a taxi to seven-mile beach for some drinks, swimming and volleyball. Later that evening, we found out that the planned Cozumel, Mexico stop was cancelled due to the Swine Flu scare. When the announcement came, nobody seemed to mind – an extra day at sea with more nekkidness? – swingers can adjust. Although, had we known that our clothing-optional catamaran, snorkeling excursion in Cozumel wouldn’t happen, we would have taken advantage of the scuba diving and snorkeling accessible from shore in Cayman.
In Belize, we opted for a zip line adventure featuring part jungle and part collapsed cave. It included a very long bus ride, partially on roads in disrepair and mostly on a washboard gravel road (we now can sympathize with a vibrator battery). Our tour guide, a young local Creole woman gave colorful history lessons and pointed out the landmarks. Toward the end of the ride, someone joked to her, “Where do we leave our clothes?” When she asked why, someone whispered to her the nature of our group. We heard a loud emphatic “Are you serious??” and major blushing followed – dark skin combined with crimson. She resumed her professional instruction mode, then surprised us all when she calmly announced that “For this trip only, all zip line platforms will be designated play areas.” The entire bus roared. Somebody had to have fed her that line, but she delivered it so well.
In Roatan, Honduras we took a catamaran, snorkel excursion. Although not advertised as clothing-optional, we were the only ship in port (unlike other ports) so many felt free to shed. The crew did not seem to mind at all. The area boasts more than 500 types of coral and bountiful colorful fish, so snorkeling in the clear water was awesome. We heard that the zip line tour in Roatan included tandem and topless zipping.
Plusses. Bottom line: We had a fabulous time. The weather was great, the crowd was friendly, and with a thousand couples to socialize with, if you couldn’t find someone compatible (or dozens), you were too picky or just not trying. Where else can you have dinner conversations about squirting seminars, Sybian experiences, and lifestyle clubs around the country without lowering your voice? Where else can you step into an elevator with a long ruler and have women strangers bend over, lift their skirt and say “Spank me! Harder please!”? Where else can you thank a woman for walking past your lounge chair and have her hubby turn around, smile and lift his wife’s skirt to show you more? Where else can you play naked mini-golf or take a naked water slide? Imagine a whole week of wearing your skimpiest outfits and kissing and flirting like crazy without fear of who you might run into! Our week went by way too fast!
Minuses. We did have a few minor complaints. We live in Colorado, where smoking is not allowed in bars and restaurants. While Carnival doesn’t allow smoking in the restaurants or the cabaret showroom, smoking is allowed in all the other bars and lounges. We mostly stayed away from the disco, piano bar, sports bar, and casino for that reason, but we heard they were fun. The pool areas were designated smoking on one side and non-smoking on the other but only partially enforced.
Those few who chose to break the rules limiting nudity and sex to certain areas may have jeopardized future cruises. The rules really weren’t very restrictive and were followed by almost everyone, especially as the announcements were taken more seriously. I love nudity, but not necessarily at the salad bar. Most of the staff had a great time and several said we were loads more fun than the usual kids and seniors, but we heard that some staff members from more conservative backgrounds were very uncomfortable and the rule breakers made it worse.
We would have liked to have heard more variety of music at the pool parties. It was far too repetitive and all modern. Given the demographics of the passengers, they should mix in some rock ‘n’ roll next time.
Kudos to YOLO for making this happen! But next year, get more staff for the pre-cruise registration.
Again? Will there be another lifestyle takeover cruise on Carnival? Carnival still has to decide. We heard that the ship was almost full, we drank three times more than any cruise in Carnival’s history and they had to restock the liquor twice. The casino was probably less profitable because everyone was “busy” doing other things. We suspect there were a few employee complaints. Will the success of the cruise outweigh the issues? Will Carnival suggest rule changes or enforcement? We don’t know yet. All we know is when/if it does, we’ll be there. YOLO is taking 2010 reservations already with the assumption that it’s a GO. Dates and ports of call TBA.
Post Cruise - Caliente. We extended our vacation by spending a couple days and nights at Caliente, a clothing-optional resort a half-hour north of Tampa. It is not a lifestyle resort but it is covertly lifestyle friendly. After all, our on-site hotel did have mirrors on the ceiling and they host fun, sexy theme parties in their nightclub on weekends. It’s a beautiful place with numerous pools, restaurants, sports, and activities. It’s a palm tree-filled paradise that is well-maintained and very clean. We found the members welcoming, active, and interesting. The drinks are strong (beware the Rum Runners!) and the wait staff are cute and friendly. For us it was a great way to transition back into vanilla life after the cruise without suffering whiplash.
