Many contemporaries offer the argument that swinging should NOT be secretive, and they have logical arguments to support their position. I would offer the counterpoint that swinging, as a couple’s choice, is best kept hidden within the shadows. Your mother’s advice about honesty being the best policy does not apply to discussions about your sex life with friends and neighbors. While it might superficially appear to be a fine concept to be open about your activities as a swinger, the truth of the matter is that identification as a swinger can have damaging consequences in a multitude of areas.
Let us start with a personal revelation to illustrate my point. My wife and I live in a small rural community where she held a political position as a judge. This tidbit of information translates into ‘everyone knows us and she had to run for election every four years.’ Allowing other people within the local community to know about our sex lives would have carried over as well as a loud fart in church during a Sunday service. If you believe that people within your community are not judgmental, you are naïve. By and large, the mundane population feels very threatened by any activity outside of their normal bland life. Furthermore, you have minimal protection against word-of-mouth gossip shared by neighbors… especially if it is true.
Whereas I could truly care less about the thoughts of others, I am not so cavalier as to believe that other members of my family are quite so fortunate. Children are easy victims for torment in their social groups at school. Do I really want to supply their classmates with ammunition? My wife would be forced to respond to questions of morality as it applies to her judicial qualifications and decisions made from the bench. My aging parents would be ostracized by their social peers or bombarded with questions which they can’t possibly answer about our personal choices. Furthermore, we have friends of many ethnic and religious backgrounds who would be horrified to know that we are swingers. How will members of your ‘normal’ social groups handle the rumors and knowledge of your sex life? Yet the personal damage can be even more widespread than simple loss of friendship and rumor.
People allow personal items to color their judgment on an issue. What happens if you work for a company which has a strong religious undercurrent? How deeply will an openly known sexual prevarication affect your chances for promotion? Being a swinger is not considered a legally-protected minority anywhere: workplace or otherwise. Other people’s knowledge of your sexual lifestyle can directly impact the lives of your entire family in many areas of life.
There are many ways to make sure this kind of thing doesn’t happen to your family. If you will bear with me, I will share information relevant to maintaining a low profile for your lifestyle endeavors which will allow you to face the public with minimal potential for exposure.
Many lifestyle couples, married or not, spend quite a bit of time dreading that their secret might leak out and become public knowledge. Discretion, especially during the early years of living in the lifestyle, is paramount to a couple. Nothing is quite as unnerving as having your friends, family, or children asking pointed questions about your whereabouts and activities when you attend a lifestyle event. I can personally attest that being married to a woman who was in a politically-influenced position while living in a small town in rural Georgia while being in the lifestyle was a challenge to our best ‘hide and slide’ abilities. If you will bear with me, I will attempt to share information relevant to maintaining a low profile for your lifestyle endeavors which will allow you to face the public with minimal potential for exposure.
After a few years in the lifestyle, you will no longer look at Houdini or David Copperfield as anything other than rank amateurs at making items vanish into thin air. Why? Because I have yet to see either of them disappear, get laid, and re-appear with the audience none-the-wiser about their activities. That, my friends, is the challenge which faces you…
Disappearing into a lifestyle event is nothing more than the application of forethought, patience, and timing. Never try to pull off a ‘spur of the moment’ weekend trip with any hope of your absence going unnoticed by the people around you; it won’t happen. You’ll eventually get busted by someone if you continue to improvise and go. Your best bet is long-term planning, since it is the most secure option available to a couple.
Most clubs and socials publish a year-long calendar of their events with a location. Make your plans at least a month ahead. It gives you a chance to back stop your story long before it might be needed, meaning you have a sound reason and actual documentation that justifies your being in the city and/or hotel where a lifestyle event is being conducted. Most people have a profession which allows for educational travel to enhance their career. Be it a nurse, salesman, or wielder… there will be some type of class in the area. Find out what classes are being held in the area and download documents about it from the internet.
Discover what festivals and events are local to the area. Who knows, you might find some event to attend between play times. The important part is having something tangible around the location you plan to visit, so you and your significant other can publicly discuss and make plans for going to the ‘Azalea Festival’ in Charleston without anyone ever having a clue about your real trip. You can make arrangements for babysitters within the family during the ‘Azalea Festival’ and reserve kennel space for your pets secure in the knowledge that you are covered. Do yourself a favor by not creating some BS story about a fictional event. The Internet allows information to be easily gathered and can put a gaping hole in your tale.
Most lifestyle events require a credit card for establishing a room and party reservation. The coordinators of lifestyle events are very cautious to prevent the inadvertent disclosure of any information related to identity or credit card information. However, our rule is pay cash for all bills, dues, and fees once we arrive at the facility. Paper, especially credit cards, leaves a trail which almost anyone can follow by looking at your bill. We aren’t talking about John Q. Public here… we’re referring to the people whom you routinely allow into your personal residence. It might be a tad difficult to explain a charge to ‘The Waka-Waka Swingers Club’ found on your bill by a nosy parent keeping your kids while you’re out of town.
While on topic of paper trails, do yourself a favor and shred the hotel bill after you check out from your stay. It is a dangerous piece of paper to retain unless you plan to take it off of your taxes in April. Given a location, it is not to terribly difficult to research the hotel itself to discover that they had a swingers party that weekend. Never underestimate nosy people.
If you are going to an ‘educational seminar on enhancing sales revenue,’ always wear clothing appropriate for the event when you leave. Mom wearing fishnet hose, a mini skirt, and go-go boots might not work if the cover story is a stamp collecting convention. Play the role as if you were actually going to the cover event.
An additional cover plan is purchasing similar-looking sets of suitcases. Use one for your lifestyle event clothing, condoms, lube, and other items. Have one set filled with cover appropriate items of apparel. This way, you can pack the cover bag in plain sight of everyone, tuck it into the corner of a dark closet, and move the lifestyle bag out to the car when departure time arrives. No fuss, no muss, and everyone is kept in the dark.
If you have a family computer, I would advise that you give thought to purchasing a removable drive of some type where you can securely store your documents and photographs. The drives vary in volume from 2 to 16 gigabytes and fit easily into a pocket or onto a key ring. Keep the drive in a secure place at all times. Do not leave any compromising material on your computer: Little Tommy and Mary Jane are much more adept at digging through a computer than the NASA could ever hope to attain in this lifetime. Do you really want them to see Mom splayed across a bed while enjoying the attention of several men? I thought not.
A couple’s timing is another cue that will tickle the noodle in a nosy person’s head. Establishing a pattern is a dangerous behavior for a lifestyle couple. Take my neighbors for example: they host an adult house party every four months on the dot. It doesn’t take a NASA scientist to figure out why there are partially-clad guests are departing the residence at 4:30 when I’m going to work. I would warn them of the dangerous behavior in our small community, but discussing the issue would blow our lifestyle cover, and I never liked them anyway.
Lifestyle events follow a predictable pattern: the same weekend every month. You would do well to be wary of attending all 12 parties during the year. Once the behavioral pattern begins, it is hard to break away from and difficult to conceal. If you really need the lifestyle time on a monthly basis, you might want to consider rotating socials with private house parties. The variation will keep you below the social radar. My beloved and I have taken dance classes on the weekend and compelled our sons to travel with us on multiple occasions. After a few trips, they are only too happy to send the old folks off to the dance class and party… still clueless as that the dancing is now horizontal.
Children become especially problematic once they start to get a bit older. Whereas the young ones have a specific bedtime and can accept an adult ‘spend the night’ party, older children will either question you about the strange noises emanating from your bedroom or shoot straight to the ‘I know you’re full of shit’ part. Avoiding the little darlings’ curiosity might require that ‘friends’ rent a room at the local no tell motel for the evening’s entertainment. You should also be aware, should you think that a bedroom drawer is a safe spot, that little Boo-Boo is just as likely to dig out some of Mom’s toys from your ‘hidden’ spot during the middle of a dinner party with your in-laws. Be sure to out-think the little hairballs.
The final trick is being patient. Although an orgasm is important, I would advise that you evaluate the time you spend with your children. If adult play significantly reduces your time with your kids, stay at home. They need you. You have your entire adult life to explore the lifestyle. Be mentally capable of taking a vacation from lifestyle events and parties. After all, Viagra will keep you clocking along long after your children are trying to figure out how to ‘hide and slide’ from their own kids.
